Sadness. 15/09/13

I hate it when people wallow in their sadness and let it control them, and I hate being sad in general. I know it’s unavoidable sometimes, but it feels like I am sad when it is avoidable. I laugh and laugh and laugh and then I can’t help crying. It’s like a habit, it’s like something doesn’t feel right unless I’m sad so often. Like the world isn’t as real. I’m so tired of it, though. I hate the feeling. I hate feeling useless, worthless, like nothing. And it doesn’t matter how many times he tells me he loves me, how many hugs and kisses I get. When I feel like that, nothing can get me over it besides time. I feel guilty because of it. I don’t want anyone else to think it’s their fault. It’s only mine, but I can’t figure out how to avoid it. Maybe I don’t even want to learn how to be happy but it does seem nice.