Thoughts about us.

Love is a strange thing
Feelings in general
When we feel, it hurts
It wasn't suppose to hurt like it does
I guess is the chemicals substances flooding in my bloodstream
Or maybe I am like this
Very sentimental and sensitive
When I had my first love I thought "How can two persons who loves eachother stop talking from nothing? How can the feeling go away like this in seconds?"
For me this is not something that I believe to happen.
When I love someone I true love that person
I don't care if she doesnt loves me back.
Something that I'm proud of is that I'm true with myself and with my feelings.
Getting back to that previous question, If I loved you someday, I guess I'll worry and care about you forever.
I'll still remember of your dreams and the beautiful person you were with me (and I hope you still are that beautiful person or even a better person).
And the things I learned with you and the ways my life was forever changed by your presence in this little space of time. Besides all the pain or the anger that I felt when we broke up. I'll look for you. I may not say but you'll be somewhere in my heart in a hidding little place.
People that come across my life and affects me are rare and when it happens I tend to valorize.
I wish people were not afraid to live their feelings truly and fully, that's how it should be.
I'm not afraid of getting hurt again, I'm afraid of never feel something again. this is not a good place to be in.
After I broke up with my first love, first best friend, first confident, first many experiences that I never had before, I felt lost. Because all my life was him. In that time I thought I could never forget him. And I was right, until now I remember him and hopes all goes right in his life because I loved him and he mattered.
He doesn't care for me anymore ( That's my perception, I will never know for sure) but I don't mind. I'm sticking with my true feelings and letting it go away from me without trying to block or pretend it is not there.
I never felt something as intense again. I guess I protect myseslf from getting close to that strong feeling. But I don't think I like this. What's the point of getting closer to someone without immersing yourself? What's the point of feeling just a little like 50% because you don't want to get hurt? Feelings exists because they demmand to be felt. I don't want to live a life that I need to think about the steps I'm gonna take or be unsure to say something that I really want. I want to feel, I want to live what is suppose to be lived and I just want to find people who are able to do the same with me.
I never saw the movie Into the Wild but the phrase " Happiness is only real when shared" applies well to this situation.
I Will never understand people and why we are so strange. Like I said, feelings are supposed to be felt and no understood. Just stick and be true with your feelings and the people that care about you.